Welcome To The Confessions Of Poison Ivy

I am told by my good friend Harley that blogging helps one get out all that pent up...rage *smiles* So in that spirit I am welcoming you to read the confessions of me-Poison Ivy

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Chapter @ The Monster from the past

Chapter 2: Lies, Broken Heart, Terminal Illness, And The Monsters Of The Past.

They never go away…I get hit again and again and I know the next blow is coming.

I have a gift, I get to suffer more pain than a human can bear and I keep living. I have supposed to be a twin, my brother was not strong enough and I absorbed him in the womb. It’s gave me two kinds of DNA, my brother lives in my, but when that happens it causes health problems. With the cross strapped to my back I walk though life as others throw stones and I thank them. Because of my brother being absorbed my me; I have a rare spine disease. I lived 19 years without knowing. On top of that I have kidney disease and kidney failure I was born with that for 18 years I was dyeing and not knowing. But back them I was doing a wonderful job of being a destructive cunt the queen of the junkies! But I kicked the shit, I found out I was sick, I became healthy…tried to. Over one thousand surgeries later I have another ulcer and hernia in my bleeding stomach! At least it’s not cancer AGAIN! (Always look on the bright side of death!) So the doctor’s get to play operation on me, I have died on the table and come back, so I am not worried! But As I was Watching Hal and Oren get married on Twitter something happened-I had a massive fever 103-I am told that’s not good. I get a stone thrown at my head by a Ghost of the past that will not stop haunting me. It hit me hard!

I see Loki in the crowd, he throws the stone, and the sweet man’s face turns into that of my birth father, in shock the stone crashes in to my skull. He left me Loki…He left no goodbye nothing. He was gone! Then I get called what they all want me to be-I’m a slut, a cunt, a whole in the mattress that answers to a name, a twat, a lay, a shag, a fuck! *pats myself on the back* I wronged Loki by some Vegas RP Hero getting up on my shit, twos never there Loki, twos an illusion by a computer and words! No man grabbed me and kissed him! Just words. But All the same that ass from Vegas Kissed me and we fought. To Loki I am being unfaithful. I DIED FOR YOU LOKI, I KILLED YOU! I was left BY YOU! I mourned you; I block a friend because I thought that is why you are gone. I am no man’s property! But I slipped and you caught me, and flower bloomed, when you left I thought you left me forever, the flowers wilted…I was no longer yours. You lurked watching me, like a coward to shamed to show your face, them you say I kissed him. Your DM’s were just what my father said to me, BUT DO TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE TALKING BOLLOCKS LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BIRTH FATHER! He was a cop, a dirty cop, he is schizophrenic and as a child and drunk and drug addict. On top of that he was a man, who tortured me and my family physically, mentally and sexually. He is a pedophile, he rapped me every night, he passed my to his cop buddies, he punished me by chaining me to a heater in the basement and leaving me. He shot me, he stabbed me, and he hung me by the neck and dug a hole and buried me alive! I don’t have good memories, just haunted by the ghost of that man. You spoke the same words he did. If you think you will break me, I promise you I HAVE LOOKED THE DEVIL IN THE EYE WITH HE RAPED ME YOU ARE NOTHING! My fondest memory of childhood is my father holding a gun to my head. That was a good day. But like all monsters, he got caught, I was given to my Grandparents, my Papa is my daddy, he is a real man! Real men are rare. I love him and he is my hero. He gave me a choice, to stay in America or go to Ireland, so I went t Ireland. I got into the family business. I worked myself eight teen hour days to send my money to my sisters and mother my mother went back to my father! I was a mother to my sisters and the youngest child. When I went to University I met my father again, he beat me and said those fucking words and I screamed and told him to hit me harder, he beat me with all he had, I took a crowbar and beat him, saying the same words to him that he said to me, I chained him up in the basement and left him. I went to University, to make sure that I would be better than him. When I came back he was terminal. He asked me as a Christian man to forgive him, I looked at him I forgave him, but I told him that I would never forget what he did or trust him; he told me that is not forgiveness. He taught me to have no mercy, so I looked at him and said “Well may god save you, if it is right for him to do so.” We still talk, he is dying. If I am alone with him I am armed. I feel the blood rushing from my head and I see my father’s face in your words.

One thing you should know, you call me a name out of hate and I will become it. You think I fuck everyone, then to please you I will! You call me trash I will be trash for you. But there is a line that you can’t cross with me. Call me what ever the fuck you want. YOU DO NOT ASSUME YOU KNOW MY MOTIVES, PASSIONS, OR PAST! You showed me that you have no respect for me by assuming. I thank you for restoring my faith in men. I ask you to forgive me; I forgive you without you even asking. Why? Because I can! I have a heart and a soul, and you wronged me BIG TIME, and I forgive you. I carry my cross being lashed and told to move then it happens. I vomit blood!

I vomit uncontrollably with a high fever, my mum sees me was she walks in to clean her clothes, she calls my doctor he tells her to get me to the Hospital. I sit in the care begging Papa Legba to let me die, the pain is too much. I get in and am vomiting up blood and the take me to a room, ask me questions I can’t answer form that fucking pain that loves to attack me. My mum does her best to answer. The nurses take her out of the room and the take to much of my blood and the nurse is shit and finding a vein! The run test and changed me into a stupid gown, the give me medicine for the pain and I keep vomiting they give me something for nausea, this process is repeated all night. I am tested, I have a staph infection in my kidneys from my last surgery, I need emergency surgery, but they don’t want to do it while I have staff. The make me drink that radio active shit and stick me in an MRI. I get to see my ulcer and my hernia. Now my ninth surgery the doctor’s accidently cut my stomach in half, so, looking at that hole in it was disturbing. The doctor gives me more pain shots though my IV. I am given a ton of scripts and we fight over medication, I have no immune system so if I take an anti biotic I will grow yeast and them I am fucked. He calls my kidney specialist, FINALLY a doctor who isn’t a cock! He tells that ER doctor to listen to me I have a 297 IQ and I am not to be messed with Cheers for that! I am told not to be around anyone, I have no immune system, so if someone is sick it could kill me. He reminds me that I only have a short amount of time to live do to my illnesses. I remind him I was supposed to be dead years ago! He tells me not to get stressed, I can’t help but laugh and ask him if he is ok, has he seen the world, life is stress! I get home god knows how ever many hours later, my mum is sad because I am dying. I need more surgery. I call my friends and family and tell them what happened. They all think I am an illness! I can hear it when they say sorry. I know my diseases are hurting them. I carry my cross and I see myself throwing stones at myself, I am a bitch who is hurting everyone for something I can not control!

I talk to SnakeEyeJohnny and he helps me keep my head on straight. I can not help the fact that I am terminal, it’s apart of me, you take me you take that too. My fever spikes and I cling to his voice. I am not supposed to sleep, because of the fever. Bless that wonderful beloved man for talking to me. I love him. I call GreenLantern_00 who was worried sick about me I ask him what a normal temperature is and I can her that my illness is hurting him too. I woke him up again…but I love him and have to let him know I am safe. I still have a fever of 103 waiting for the medicine to bring it down. My body feels like it has been hit by a truck. I can’t walk straight; I am in too much pain. I call Kay she is a FUCKING SAINT! She is a beautiful soul and understands me! She makes me laugh and says “Loki is my daddy and if bitch boy thinks he can play Loki, my daddy will fuck him up” Papa Legba bless Kay and all witches! Thor bashes his hammer as it storms out side and I yell to Thor, after a while the Thunder stops.

Now I know that the cross on my back is apart of me, and after they nail me to it, they will light me on fire, I will go down fighting!

Papa Legba Bless my pain, it makes me know I am alive.


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